Bringing a baby into your world is magical, life-changing, and—let’s be real—a complete whirlwind. While the excitement is unmatched, the reality is that newborn life comes with a never-ending to-do list, sleepless nights, and a whole lot of figuring things out on the fly. One of the best things you can do before the baby arrives? Get on the same page with your partner (or support system) about who’s doing what.

Sure, you’ll figure some of it out as you go, but setting expectations ahead of time can save you from resentment, burnout, and the classic “who’s more tired” competition (spoiler: you both are). Here are some topics that helped us prepare for baby by aligning on responsibilities and making sure everyone feels supported.

1. Have the “Who’s Doing What” Talk—Before the Baby Comes

You might assume things will just fall into place, but when you’re both running on fumes, the last thing you want is confusion about who’s handling the next diaper change. Sit down before the baby arrives and talk through the basics:

• Night feeds: Who’s on duty and when? If breastfeeding, how can the non-feeding partner help?

• Diaper changes: Are you alternating? Is one person taking nighttime changes?

• Household chores: Who’s keeping up with laundry, dishes, baby bottles, and general tidying? (Spoiler: Babies create a shocking amount of laundry.)

• Meals: Who’s cooking? Are you meal prepping beforehand? Should you set up a meal train? Are you agreeing to order delivery few nights a week?

• Appointments & paperwork: Who’s booking pediatrician visits, handling insurance forms, or tracking baby’s milestones? 

Tip: We made a family email account so both me and my husband would have visibility into appointments. This helped him see some of the emotional labor of having a child. 

This isn’t about making a rigid schedule—it’s about knowing what to expect so neither of you feels like you’re carrying the weight alone.

2. Be Honest About Your Strengths (and Weaknesses)

Maybe one of you thrives in chaos and can handle a screaming baby with one hand while making coffee with the other, while the other person needs a more structured approach to feel in control. That’s okay! Play to each other’s strengths.

If one of you is more patient in the middle of the night, maybe that person takes the late shift while the other takes early mornings. If one of you is a natural at logistics, maybe they handle all the baby gear research and pediatrician appointments. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach—just make sure you’re balancing the load in a way that feels fair.

3. Expect to Adjust and Communicate (A Lot)

Even with the best planning, once the baby arrives, things will shift. Maybe you planned for one person to handle nights, but it turns out they function terribly on no sleep. Maybe one of you needs more help than expected. The key? Talk about it.

Set a check-in time (maybe once a week in those early months) to ask each other:

• What’s working?

• What’s not working?

• Do we need to shift anything to make this feel more balanced?

The goal isn’t perfection—it’s teamwork.

4. Don’t Forget Emotional Support

Caring for a newborn isn’t just about diapers and feedings. It’s an emotional rollercoaster, and both of you will have moments of feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or just plain exhausted. Make sure you’re supporting each other beyond the tasks:

• Encourage naps and breaks (yes, you BOTH need them).

• Validate each other’s feelings—no one has it "harder" than the other. Ok, the Mom usually takes on more but remember this is both of your first time doing this! 

• If you have outside help (grandparents, postpartum doulas, friends), use them! You don’t have to do it all alone. At first I couldn't accept help as I didn’t want to burden people but you bet your butt the second time around, I was more vocal about asking for help. 

5. Give Each Other Grace

At the end of the day, no amount of planning can prepare you 100% for what’s coming. There will be times when one of you is stretched thin and the other has to pick up the slack. That’s parenthood. The key is to approach everything as a team, knowing that some days will be harder than others—but you’ve got each other.

So, have the conversations now, set expectations, and go into this new chapter feeling like partners, not opponents. Because the truth is, the baby stage is wild—but it’s also one of the most beautiful seasons of life. And when you’re in it together, everything feels just a little bit easier.